My daughter and her husband left for the hospital about an hour ago. I’m home with the kids while she will go to the ER and see if someone there can figure out what is wrong with her. It is not going to be easy. She isn’t missing a limb some overt sign that something is terribly wrong. Only something is probably terribly wrong – again. There are so many problems to choose from.
Sometimes we talk about the potential that I will outlive her. I do hope that is not the case. Parents are not meant to bury their children. But it has been entirely too close on more than one occasion. You get anticipatory after she’s been in ICU for a week or more and no one is sure what the outcome will be – it can go either way. Life or death. This last time she got life.
It occurs to me that we see many more very ill people around today because we have the technology to keep them alive. When I was a kid there was only a certain point one could reach before they’d be measuring you for a casket. Now people like me are creating draconian medical directives so we’re not forced to end our lives as corpses supported by machines.
My mother died so young. Or maybe it was that I felt that I was so young. She died of mesothelioma back before it was a TV Sokolov law group sensation. Back them we were first told she had lung cancer. Then I found out the particulars and it wasn’t lung cancer, it was mesothelioma – the joys of working on a medical team back them included instant access to consultants. The cancer had metastasized from the lining of her chest wall and it was literally everywhere. She got three lousy months with chemo that wrecked her body, mind, and spirit, and an attempt to drain fluid from her lungs that almost killed her when the doctor hit an artery.
Relatives gathered, my brother flew back from Europe, my father was busy wondering what was going to happen to him when his wife was gone. It just so happened I was the thanatologist for the area and – you guessed it – I worked with my Mom. Don’t recommend it. Just wasn’t anyone else to take the reins then. A very new field.
Today Mom would probably have lived at least a few years. Today there would be others to help her through the dying process. Palliative Care. Then Hospice.
So tonight I ponder health. Mine ain’t as great as it once was. Hers? The less said, the better, probably. Tonight it is just a waiting game. The little ones are asleep. I’ll be asleep soon. And for the time being all is well with the world.